I feel like this summer has matured me. I finally realize a bit of what it’s like to be on the adult side of things, rather than the kid. It’s a bit weird thinking that a couple years ago when I came to this camp, the counselors were probably going through the same things I am now, like wondering what’s going on in the kids’ heads and wishing you could keep them all forever and ever and having them pop into your head so randomly and wondering what they’re going home to… etc.
This past week was great. There seemed to be a bit more drama in my cabin than past weeks, but some of the girls really opened up to me and I was able to talk to them about God and life and silly things and serious stuff, and I feel like I really got through.
One of the girls shared with me that she was getting adopted this week. She came from a pretty messed up home situation, and last night she broke down crying, saying she didn’t want to go home and she didn’t even know where home was and on and on. I sat with her on a picnic table in the middle of the cabin area and listened to her story, realizing yet again how blessed of a life I lead. This girl inspired me. She’d been through so much, but she still smiled her beautiful smile readily and freely, and she was so joyful all the time.
God is sure making it very clear to me this summer that I don’t know everything. I confess, I’m a classic teenager, I tend to think I know all there is to know. Until now. It’s like that song, What Do I Know Of Holy? except for me it’s more like, what do I know of God? He’s so crazy insane awesome, trying to understand him and his ways is like trying to smell the color nine. To us, it seems impossible and maybe even nonexistant.
But let me tell you, this journey of trying to “smell the color nine” is sure amazing.
Xander had the surgery this morning. He came through fine, was particularly groggy, and he came home around 6pm tonight and has been sleeping ever since. It’s hard seeing him this way, but he’s a fighter and he’ll be back to his old antics soon, without a doubt.
An interesting thought occured to me after we brought him home, though. All my parents and I have been hearing is how it’s more traumatic for us for him to lose his leg than it is for him. He’s definitely had no fun through all this experience, except maybe for really letting the vet have it, but he doesn’t go through the emotional suffering like people do.
I think it’s that way with God. In the bible, we’re compared a lot with sheep and vines. And human beings have a greater range of feelings and emotions than a vine or a sheep does. At least that’s what I believe. Since we have those abilities, we can experience suffering that a sheep could never imagine. We can feel things that a vine would never comprehend. So isn’t it logical that a God so great and so awesome and so powerful, who created the universe and everything in it would also have a greater range of ways to experience feelings, emotions, and pain?
Watching Xander go through the amputation, we’re sad because we feel empathy and greif for what he’s going through, even though he probably doesn’t understand fully the gravity that we see it to. And I just think that God is that way with us. He sees us sinning every day and he greives for us. He sees every little thing that happens to us every day, every person that cuts you off in traffic and every bit of bad news you get. And he feels it. He feels every little nanometer of emotion and feeling within you. And I believe that when we’re really broken up and sad, he’s crying. Not just sniffles and a stray tear here and there. Bawling his eyes out because he doesn’t want to see his treasured and precious creation feel any trace of pain.
And the same goes for the happy things that happen to us in life. He is not an unfeeling God. Quite the opposite.